On Self-Care

You’re tired, strung out, and wrung out from the summer of 2016. Work, crime, politics, social media, and social justice. Battles over black lives, blue lives, brown lives, and God help the other color lives that have not made it into the media’s three ring circus. This constant onslaught of death and destruction has left many of us feeling overwhelmed and wondering if life matters at all.

And that’s okay. You’re human. You hurt because you care.

The Pulse massacre occurred less than ten miles from where I live. In New York City, ten miles can be a day’s journey, but in Orlando, ten miles can be covered in fifteen minutes. So I felt as if the murders of the forty-nine victims took place in my backyard. And while I knew none of the victims personally, I felt overwhelmed with an immediate sense of grief.

And just when I thought I had a grip on things, the shooting in Baton Rouge took place, then the Falcon Heights shooting. And the Dallas ambush. Followed by more shootings in Baton Rouge. Who can ignore the ongoing political three ring circus? Add to that Paris, Nice, Munich, Syria, Nigeria, and countless other places. And I’m not privy to the current stresses in your own life.

Face it. We’ve all been inundated with an extraordinary amount of stress and horror. We’re spent. And the worst part is: few of us are doing much to recharge our batteries.

No one will look out for your well-being like you.

That statement is not as selfish as it sounds. Let me explain.

Growing up, most of us had parents, grandparents, guardians or someone who looked out for us, guided us, shielded us, and made everything all better as best they could when things went wrong. As adults we’ve inherited those same responsibilities for ourselves, but in an effort to manage other areas of our lives and care for others, we often forget to take time to care for ourselves.

If you don’t take or make the time to care for yourself, who will? Most of us have someone who depends on us for some type of emotional, physical, and/or spiritual support. How can you give when your own reserves are depleted?

Here’s a few things I’ve learned over the years that have helped buoy me. These are not guaranteed quick fixes or incantations you perform once and your life will be magically transformed. If you’re looking for that, scroll onto the next post. This is an ongoing process that over time can help you become more resilient.

Remove. Step away from your electronic devices and do a social media detox. Remove yourself from the source of irritation. If you feel like you’re on merry-go-round and you’re not sure how to get off, here’s a great article about the media’s toxicity, how they get you hooked on it, and how you can break the cycle.

“How a Corrupt Media Spreads Terror and Three Ways to Stop It”
by Chad Grills 

Be it a day, three days, a week, or longer, you’ll be surprised at how much better you’ll feel after a little time away from social media.

Relax. Make time to physically rest. Not only your mind, but your body needs time to recover from what it’s experienced over the last few months. Invest time in getting a good night’s sleep. Give yourself a half an hour of quiet time before going to bed. Lay-off the caffeine a little earlier in the day. Some folks pray, meditate, or practice yoga regularly to relieve stress and find their center. The options are endless. The goal is to give your mind and body time to wind down.

Review. I found a lot of thoughts and emotions set for repeat on the playlist in my head. Writing was and continues to be a helpful means for me to make heads or tails of how current events impact me. (And this whole time you thought I wrote these posts for little green hearts—ha!) Stringing letters together to form words, sentences, and paragraphs forces me to sort those feelings out in a linear manner.

For those too familiar with or leery of writing their thoughts down, another option is sharing your thoughts with a confidante. Speaking with someone you trust, someone who gets you, a good friend is just as effective as speaking with a therapist, and it’s a whole lot cheaper. My go-to person is my 96-year-old best friend, I consider her my very own Maya Angelou. She has decades of firsthand experience and a perspective like none other, which means her counsel is wiser than that of my contemporaries. Plus our friendship is mutually beneficial, she feels relevant and needed, and I get talked off the ledge. 

I’ve found that once an issue is out of my head and on paper or in the air, I feel freer and less weighed down.

Renew. Reconnect with yourself and others. Lose yourself in an activity that you enjoy, be it family, friends, people, or pets that you enjoy being around. If physical activity is what you enjoy and that energizes you, just do it. If solitary activities reduce your stress and revitalize you, get on it.

Refocus. I say that not to sound glib or Pollyanna-ish, but despite how some would have you believe the world is going to hell on a segway. It’s not. These issues have been going on since time began, it just so happens that thanks to our smart phones everyone can document just about anything, and the media is there to make it available twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.

Yes, there’s a lot of bad in the world; but there’s also a lot of good. And you can choose to let the bad overwhelm you or you choose to stand your ground and be a force for good in whatever way you can, right where you are. You don’t have to change the world, but you can change your corner of it.

I’ll leave you with this final thought. Not too long ago, I expressed my dismay about the country’s state of affairs to a friend. He said that this is a period of immense growth for our country and that even in the midst of what looks like chaos, God is there. Look at all the people who used to never talk about these social ills who are now speaking out about them.

I tend to believe that love for our fellow man can make a difference. A look back at how far we’ve all come should inspire us to keep moving forward to a better tomorrow.

#LoveOneAnother

For @nilegirl and all those with a heart for people.